Breathe

First off, let me apologize because this blog post does not even come close to the good things in life. It may not be the saddest, but I really feel like crying. I spent so many months ignoring the subject and now that I opened up..I just feel all the more guarded. Minsan feeling ko ako lang gumagawa ng sarili kong problema. I promised myself I'll never be this girl again, the kind who misses being with someone. Pero like they told me, it's part of being human. I just wish I never had that conversation. Not because it wasn't the right time, but because it was with the wrong person. You know that instance when you go on and on about someone you want to be with and you realize...your describing one specific person? And what's worse is that your ACTUALLY talking to that person? Then he goes off talking about a person who is SO FAR from who you are. I'm mature enough not to kick and scream because of that.

I'm just so frustrated because its the story all over again. It's become such a cycle that I'm getting so sick and tired. I just want to run as fast as I can because God knows I don't need this in my life right now. I was doing great, I finally got the hang of it. I wish I had the courage to walk away like I always do. But I can't. I want you to quit telling me I deserve so much more. I want you to quit telling me someone is out there.

You know all those things I was rambling about? That was you. Each and every detail. I don't love you. God knows I don't because I don't believe in it. But you're not someone I can walk away from. You're not someone I can just run away from because I'm beginning to feel something. And that's what scares me the most. Its a cycle. It happens all the time. And I'm afraid I have so much more to lose now. And I really REALLY want to walk away.