A Letter to Lyca

Dear Lyca,

It's been 23 years and you have gone a long way. Not many achievements as we would have liked, but now you know it's never too late. You've spent so much time being hard on yourself, surrounding yourself with negativity, and giving in to the criticisms of your own self-doubt. I'm happy you finally got to this point, just like what we promised ourselves, one day you'll get here. It wasn't an easy road to take right? There were many heartaches, disappointments, and lies. Instead of thinking that these things strengthened you, you always thought these were proofs that you couldn't do anything. Now you know you were wrong, because those things, the bumps in the road made you confident and strong. There's no need to criticize yourself anymore because the one person who should love and respect you realized just now that she always did. I love how big your smile is, even though you know your teeth are not the most perfect set, you still have the biggest smile ever. I love your chubby cheeks because they always turn the perfect shade of pink when you're happy. I love your eyes, because they are big, clear, and deep just like you. I love your long lashes because you get that from your mom. I love your scooped ears because they say it means you will be rich. I love your hair because it's the perfect shade of brown. I love your neck because you got the lines there from your dad. I love your body because it's what God gave you. Now I know you have to lose weight, eventually you will and you know you have to start tomorrow. Even if mom tells you to lose weight, it doesn't mean she hates how you look, she just wants you to be healthy. And you will start tomorrow. I love your toes, yes even the mangled nail of your baby toe because they always say "you're so much like your dad" since his baby toe is also messed up. I love the scratches on your arms, because those represent the fun times you had playing with the dogs. I love your tattoo because it represents the strength you must have, "rising from the end", remember that you always have to rise after defeat. I love how funny you are, even if you can't deliver a joke properly, sabi nga nila "easy lang pero may digs". I love that you are compassionate, always the nurturer, always the one to take people under her wings. I love that you're beginning to fight back when you criticize yourself. I love that you are shy because good deeds are better than loud words. I love that you have a relationship with God even if it's not the most perfect. I love that you can wear whatever you like because you are beginning to realize your own beauty. I love that you have the most perfect family who provides for you, supports you, and loves you unconditionally. I love that despite the fact that you're irritable, you still find ways to surprise the people you love. I love the fact that you love your father so much, because you are so much like him. I love that you take some risks, baby steps, but still they are risks. I love that despite the heartache, you are happy and ready for new love. I love that despite the fear, you managed to push through with your dreams. I love that you love your job now, and hopefully you work hard to prolong your stay in the company. I love that you're looking at the positive side of things. I love that you are no longer angry or afraid. I love that you are no longer settling because you know what you want. I love the fact that all your dreams are coming true, more so because you want to dream bigger. I love the fact that you are dreaming not only for yourself, but for others. I love each and every thing about you, each and every mistake you made, and each and every choice you took. These made you...you. These things made you...me.

It's time to start. I'll see you on the other side.

Love,
The New Angelica

Here's to ALL the girls :)

Here's to all those girls who used to be his number one.

The ones who waited all night for him to text only to check your cell phone the next morning and be disappointed.

The ones who made it through that bitter break up, dried your own tears, and moved on with your life, only to have him walk back in it months later like nothing ever happened.

Those of you who cried on the first day you talked again because you knew exactly where this phone call was going. The ones who listened to him say, "I only want to be your friend", one day, then listened to him say that he loves and misses you and the next when he doesn't want to be anything at all.

Here's to the ones that took him back, hoping that maybe this time, he was different, hoping that maybe people really do change.

We listened to our friends tell us that we were stupid for even thinking about giving him another chance, and even snuck around to see him even for a while. We went through the great stage with no fights all over again. We started this out thinking it would be just friends, and ended up falling in love with him again. We wanted nothing more in the world than to hear him tell us he loved us too, that even though things were bad in the past, they would be different this time. And when we finally heard it, it was like we were dreaming.

This is for those great girls, who loved him more than words can say, and took him back no matter what happened last time because they couldn't bear to look back on their lives one day and wonder "what if".

This is for the girls that stayed up all night long listening to him whine about an ex girlfriend who cheated on him, and cried during the entire conversation. The ones who hoped he would realize that he deserved better, that he deserved us. When he said that he loved you, but he was in love with her, he didn't mean it. This is for the ones that held on to something that was never there to begin with.

This is for us girls, who somehow managed to get him to forget about her, and get him to tell us that he was in love with us again, only to have him tell us three weeks later that "You're just not the one for me." or maybe, "things were going too fast, I'm just not ready." Then later on find out he has a damn girlfriend already.)

Here's to the girls who couldn't cry to their friends because of how stupid they felt.

The ones who held it all in when things came crumbling to pieces again. This is for the ones who couldn't bear to even tell their mom what was going on, for fear of an "I told you so."

The ones that could just TELL that they had made a mistake ever allowing him into their hearts, their beds, and their dreams again.

We knew that we deserved better the entire time, that we deserved a guy who would call when he said he was going to, one that would come see us when ever he got the chance, one that would really care about us. We just wanted the one that we loved like that.

Here's for the ones that FINALLY realized that he never gave one thought about them.

Here's for the time that he took to waste, breaking your heart ... again.

This is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, and the tears that turned into anger, then disappointment.

Here's for us girls who finally realized that we deserve better.

This is for those confusing days, when you miss him, and want nothing more than to hear his voice, or feel his arms around your waist.

Stay strong, and remember that relationships are like broken glass, sometimes it's better to leave it alone rather than try to put the pieces back together and get hurt all over again.

Remember the times you cried, and how long it took you to even be able to look at another guy like that. When your song comes on the radio, turn the station.

When the day comes that he realizes what a mistake he made and tries calling, turn your phone off. When he tries coming to your house, don't answer the door.

Think of all the broken promises, and the lies, the manipulation and the tears, the wasted moments and staying up all night wondering where the HELL he was.

Think of how your heart used to jump when your phone would vibrate in the middle of the night, and how it fell to your stomach when you saw it wasn't him, and realized that once again, he hadn't called when he said he was going to.

One day, you'll find a guy who's worth all the tears, but he won't make you cry. You may think that you'll never care about someone like you did that guy that you always ran back to, but you will.

It's gonna hurt like hell, and it's going to need time to heal, but the point is, it will heal.

When it rains..it pours :)

I miss the rain. I miss hearing it pitter patter on my window sill. I have always associated the rain with blessings, and whenever it rained I was always inspired that blessings were on their way. In my life I try to be thankful for everything. The best advise I got was probably not to rely on short-term pleasures. It is very easy to compromise long term goals and real happiness for something that is essentially available. In my life I have sometimes settled for something that I thought was beneficial. And sometimes life teaches me otherwise. Life is made up of so many choices and consequences that come out of it. I base my choices on what I believe in, and those beliefs are usually the outcomes of a series of choices I had to make.


1. I believe that the rain does bring blessings.
2. I believe that  the first people I need to accept - good or bad - are my family.
3. I believe that you have to stand up for what you believe in.
4. I believe that I would rather be kind than feared.
5. I believe that you should NEVER EVER apologize for who you are.
6. I believe that children should play as much as they can because grown up games are not that fun.
7. I believe that looking good is feeling good.
8. I believe that people who belittle others are the lowest kind of specimen and they should be brushed off.
9. I believe that compassion, kindness, and being humble should be practiced.
10. I believe in the saying "kanya kanya lang yan". If people only learned how to live and accept each other, the world would be a happier place.
11. I believe that I don't need to EVER make excuses for the right man.
12. I believe that no matter how small, everyone should live their dream.
13. I believe that you should always surround yourself with positive people.
14. I believe that you should always ask help from God and thank Him also.
15. I believe that it is ok to make mistakes, as long as one learns from them.
16. I believe that there are three words to be learned in life: it goes on.

Given any situation, people do not have the same choices. What may be a good choice for others can be bad for someone else. Ultimately it all comes down to what people really believe. Sometimes people settle for less because they think hoping for something more can potentially be heartbreaking. Other times people pass up on opportunities because they believe they are not good enough. And with just the amount of right timing and good fortune, people often find themselves in a place where they are blessed enough to be...themselves. Blessings come in all shapes and forms, it is just a matter of how you look at it.

I think I have changed, and will continue to be better with every choice I make. Sure, I have left out some things in my life, but it all turned out to be for the better. I don't miss those things and maybe that is the key to happiness. Maybe we hurt because people don't know how to let go of the past. Like I said, life goes on..everything goes on until there is nothing left.

Trials. Choices. Consequences. Blessings. It's all just a cycle. Don't be stationary, move.